Day One Hundred Twenty Six

Today's miles: 22
Total miles: 2544

I woke up hours before dawn after a very fitful night of sleep. It was freezing. So cold, in fact, that I had trouble sleeping and was getting worried that the 32 degree sleeping bag I had been carrying through Northern California and Oregon was no longer warm enough. I longed for my fluffy, warm 20 degree bag that I had through the Sierras.
It was still dark when we packed up camp and left at 7:00. Since I had been awake so early, I was able to get through all of my morning chores before leaving camp this morning. This was a BIG deal. Out of the five imperative things that have to happen every morning (changing into hiking clothes, packing up gear, eating breakfast, brushing my teeth, and pooping) it's lucky if I get to do two of them before leaving camp. Packing up gear by far takes the longest, so people tend to skip anything of less priority in favor of getting on trail sooner. The more miles we can cover, the better. This is the prevailing mindset. Go, go, go! Hike, hike, hike! Poop breaks often have to happen after we've started walking, which can be rather annoying when you've gotten into a rhythm and don't want to stop. Breakfast often has to happen on the go, hence pop tarts over hot oatmeal. And I'm somewhat ashamed to say that teeth brushing sometimes doesn't make the cut. It gets pushed until second breakfast, or lunch, or sometimes just before bed. Life out here is always on the move, and honestly, I'm not the only one who feels good about the day if I've managed to brush my teeth at least once.

But this morning? All five priorities. CHECK! I left camp feeling super accomplished. Way to go, me! And then I laughed to myself, because at home I'd be stoked if I could finish a million projects for work before the end of the week, but out here? I pooped and brushed my teeth this morning! Score!
I left camp with Katie, Sunshine, Kazu, Razor, Toots and Tears. We were the early risers in this group; everyone else usually caught up to us by lunchtime. We had a big day ahead of us: the elevation chart showed a gain of over 8,000 feet in the next twenty miles. Usually we were gaining and losing about a mile, somewhere in the range of 5,000 feet per day. But today we had several mountain passes to cross over, and so our course would take us up and down repeatedly before nightfall.

As we climbed our first mountain, Sunshine said, "hey, Brambles! Do you want to hear a musical interpretation of our elevation profile today?"
"Uh..." I had no idea what he was talking about. "Sure?"
Sunshine happily cleared his throat and then began to sing: "Uuuuuuup, down, up, dooooooooown, uuuuuuuuup, uuuup, down down, uuuuuup, dooooooown..." and he ran through the entire day's hike this way, shortening and quickening each word as appropriate.
I laughed appreciatively, for he had memorized quite a long series of notes.
"It sounds way more fun when you put it that way!" I said.

(Apparently in Washington, if the bridge ain't reeeeeeally broke, don't fix it.)

We hiked very slowly today. In the back of our heads we knew we had to make good time: we were already on our fifth day out of Steven's Pass, and I was dangerously low on food, as I had only planned on taking five days to get to Stehekin. We were still 36 miles away from town, a distance we knew would take at least two more days. I was cobbling together bits of food to make meals, and limiting myself on what I could snack on during the day. This was the hardest part, for climbing so much elevation was draining me of energy and I was constantly hungry. We knew we had to make big miles, but the terrain and the shorter autumn days were limiting what we could accomplish before dark. We grimly pushed forward, covering as much ground as we could and clutching thankfully to another day of good weather.

At least the sun lifted our spirits. We had been so trained lately on reaching the finish in good health, good standing and good weather that we had almost forgotten to enjoy ourselves in the meantime. After all, we were mere days away from ending our journey, and we hadn't even had time to pause and reflect with our friends. Our minds were constantly running through the what ifs: what if it starts raining again? What if it starts snowing again? What if I run out of food? What if we can't cover at least twenty miles a day? What if we can't make it to Stehekin on time? What if we can't make it to the border on time? What if winter comes early?

Rather than soaking in the views and the emotions of this final leg, we were consumed by logistics and weather and back-up plans.
But today the weather was so nice that for a moment, we forgot to worry about our hike, and we remembered to enjoy our hike.

We crested the top of a mountain, skirted the ridgeline and gazed in wonder over the beautiful blue of the sky contrasted against the white snow. Bubbling rivers cascaded down the mountains, a gentle breeze blew a rolling fog over the hilltops, and everything glistened in the sunlight. It was beautiful.

By second breakfast we reached the top of Fire Pass, and it was a perfect spot to unpack our gear and let the condensation dry. We snacked and admired the view, deciding it was much prettier dusted in snow, and so we were thankful for the recent storm that had blown it in.

Kudu and Alphabet Soup caught up to us, and when we were done with our break we packed up gear and traversed over the opposite side of Fire Pass.

The views down the north side were stunning. Crystal blue lakes, white snow, plump clouds against a blue sky. I walked beside Toots, the two of us pausing every few minutes to take another photo of the landscape. It was too pretty; I couldn't stop staring at it.

As we descended beside Milk Lake Glacier and rounded another bend, we came upon a small moraine called Mica Lake, a crystal blue pool cupped in the hollow of a mountain. I stood beside it for some time, until Toots caught up with me, and I sighed aloud, "I want to live here!"
"Me too," she agreed.

We started to descend from our high perch, down the mountainside to the valley floor, when suddenly Toots tugged my sleeve and pointed across the valley. I looked: there was a wall of mountains ahead of us, and cut into the center of one of them was a bald patch in a field of trees. We could clearly see hundreds of switchbacks cutting their way up the side of the mountain. I groaned. Of course. We had just climbed to Fire Pass, and now we were descending all the way back down to the valley floor where the river was, and then all the way back up the mountain across the way. Sometimes I wished there was an easier way to get from one mountain to another. Zip line, perhaps?
"I can see someone hiking it," Toots said, and when I squinted at the faraway trail, I could see two small figures moving slowly up the zigzagging trail.

We descended down, down, down to the very bottom of the mountain where Milk Creek cut a rocky gully there. We stopped for lunch, balancing on some rocks in the sun and filtering water for our meals. We were soon caught by the rest of the group: Rotisserie, Sansei, Games, Reason, Lighthouse, Pony, and St. Alfonzo.
"What part of the song are we at now, Sunshine?" I asked, casting my gaze again at the switchbacks.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuup!" he sang.
It was five miles of up. The switchbacks, at least, made the trail very nicely graded, so after the incredibly steep first mile, I took my time and it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. It also grew incredibly warm. Everyone stripped out of rainpants, sweaters, and jackets and once again we were hiking in summer clothes as the sun beat down on us. I took a spot at the end of the line, laughing as we played our favorite trail-switchback joke: calling down to the person below us, "oh, heeeeey!" as we passed them in the opposite direction. It was funny every time. I guess because when you spend all day staring at the ground, you're always startled by someone calling out from above you.

After a while, people began fanning out along the trail, but I noticed there was a small group that kept walking very tightly together: Sunshine, followed by Katie, Rotisserie, Toots, Alphabet Soup, Games, and Pony. Sunshine was usually the last in line due to his slow, steady pace, so it was interesting to see him at the front, closely flanked by six girls who looked as though they had no intention of passing him. They were one switchback above me, and each time they came into my range, I could hear Sunshine at the height of some elaborate story he was telling. I listened in fascination, for he would drop out of earshot around each bend, and then come back into it on the next switchback, like an ambulance siren fading in and out. Every time I heard him, he was at a different point in his story, so the whole thing sounded like a crazy, mixed-up, epic tale to my ears. And despite the constant five-mile climb, he was animatedly talking the whole time with no break or pause in breath, walking at a good clip.
"How is he doing that?" Tears gasped from behind me. She, like me, was slowly puffing up the climb.
"I have no idea," I admitted. "He's flying up this hill, it's ridiculous!"
"No, I mean, how is he still talking?"
Tears cried. "I can't even breathe and hike, much less talk and hike! And he's been talking this entire climb!"
"He must have a lot of caffeine in his system," I laughed.

By 5:00 we were at the top of the second pass, where it was equally stunning but also very chilly. Sunshine had finished his story, much to the disappointment of the girls, who had been thoroughly entertained by his adventures abroad.
"Thanks for making that climb go by so quickly!" said Katie.
"Oh, are we at the top?" Sunshine said, in surprise. "Wow, what just happened?"
I laughed. "Tears and I were just joking that we couldn't believe you talked straight through that whole five mile climb!"
"Yeah, wow," he said. "Sorry guys, I had a lot of coffee for lunch. And then a caffeinated drink mix. I don't even remember the last two hours."
We laughed again, pulling our layers back on and starting around the backside of the mountain for another five miles of downhill. There were some lovely campsites at the top of Dolly Vista, and we lamented that it was both too early and too few miles to stop already.

We hiked past dark, down through the forests. There was a lot of deadfall blocking the tight little trail, and since we were on a downhill slope, it was difficult to maneuver around them. It seemed every half mile we had to climb over another dead tree or washout that had destroyed part of the trail. I wished Treekiller were here to put his tree-heaving skills to use. As it grew darker, navigating the trail became even more challenging. I was constantly tripping over roots and branches and growing cranky and tired. I also knew that the campsite we were headed toward was small - only good enough for two tents, according to my maps. We were still walking in a group of nineteen people, and I worried about everyone being able to find a spot to stay the night.

When we reached camp at 8:00, we were greeted by TwoBadDogs, who had already set up camp. I had no idea how they kept appearing and disappearing from day to day, but they always popped up in the most surprising of places! It was fun to have a reunion, and then we got down to logistics: camp was indeed very tiny. We would have to play tetris if we wanted to make everyone fit. Katie jumped to attention and took on the role of puzzle-master. As each person arrived in camp, she assessed the size of their tent and then directed them to a spot. Pretty soon the small area was buzzing with people, setting up tents, overlapping stakes, wedging into corners, and tripping over criss-crossed guylines. It looked like an elaborate jigsaw puzzle, but miraculously, all of us fit.

"We're going to have to leave in a very specific order tomorrow," Toots joked, taking in the stacks of tents. Each one was blocked by at least one other, and it would be a game of Traffic Jam to get everyone out. We laughed as we made dinner, jumbled together and exhausted.

Katie and I, to save space, opted to share my tent tonight since hers was so big. We squeezed into my Fly Creek, giggling in the dark as we tried to get comfortable in the tight quarters. Outside, Sansei was talking with TwoBadDogs in the light of someone's headlamp, and his shadow was reflected onto the ceiling of my tent. Katie and I laughed every time Sansei struck a funny pose, his outline two times bigger above us.
"He looks like a muppet!" I said, and the two of us began laughing so hard that Sansei's shadow turned around and he said,
"That's a lot of giggling in there, girls!"
"Your shadow!" we snickered. "We're making fun of your shadow!"
He took the hint and immediately began doing shadow puppets on our tent wall: dogs and ducks and rabbits, which only made us laugh harder.
"Alligator! Do an alligator!" we crowed.
After snapping his hands together like an alligator, Sansei took a bow and said, "goodnight, girls. See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight Sansei!" we cried back. The headlamp clicked off, bathing the world in darkness, and we fell quickly to sleep.

Day One Hundred Twenty Five

Today's miles: 22
Total miles: 2522

It rained again all night without pause, but when I woke up this morning at 6:00, I heard the unmistakeable sound of silence. My heart was hammering.
Could it be true? Had it really stopped raining?

Everyone had the same mission today: get out of camp as quickly as possible, before the weather turned sour again. It would be 18 miles before the trail dropped again below 5,000 feet, and we needed to cover this distance in case another blizzard blew through. Katie appeared to be in better spirits today and had abandoned her quest to return to the Dinsmore's. For now, at least, she wanted to keep hiking north with us. We needed to do big mileage for the next few days, to ensure we could get to Stehekin without running out of food.

It was cold and dark, but as I packed up my wet gear, I looked up to the sky and saw tiny patches of blue hovering behind the clouds.
Blue sky, blue sky, blue sky.
Sunshine, Katie, Toots, Tears and I left camp at 7:30 together. The trail was sodden with rain and the vast amounts of wet brush along the trail kept our clothes and shoes from drying properly. As we climbed steadily up the mountain, the rain began to turn to ice crystals, and then the ice to snow, until soon the whole landscape was covered in glittering, dewy grass. As we crested the peak of the mountain, we were met by a startlingly blue sky, a thick, icy fog rising above the mountains, and a landscape covered in a dusting of snow. It was so beautiful that we all paused to catch our breath. Suddenly the rain of yesterday seemed worth it. We were all close to tears, we were so happy to see sun and a gorgeous landscape in front of us.

It was still very cold, so we couldn't pause long before we needed to keep moving to stay warm. We all pulled on an extra layer and kept hiking. It wasn't long before we ran into Razor, who had left camp before us and was now hiking south. He informed us that he feared his footwear and gear wouldn't sustain him through the slick ice and bad weather, and he was considering turning back. Now that the sun was out, the rest of us were even more determined in our quest for the border, so we stopped to cojole and reassure Razor that we would be with him, and it was much safer to hike in a group. We eventually succeeded in keeping him from quitting the trail, and he turned back around to hike in a line with us.

The scenery grew more and more stunning as we walked through the crunchy ice and gazed out on the snow-tipped mountain peaks. All around us, the bright colors of autumn were shining below the layer of snow, making the red berries and leaves look like Christmas decorations. I fell behind the rest of the group to stare out at the mountains, feeling overcome with happiness that I was able to see such a view, rather than a solid sheet of rain and snow. I wondered whether Treekiller, Vince, Wocka and Giddyup had been so lucky.

We were all so euphoric about today's good turn of events that the first nine miles went by very quickly. We stopped for a standing-snack-break and then contemplated how we were going to get our gear to dry. At every turn we looked for a dry rock, a sunny patch, or a leafless tree bough. But the more we looked, the grayer the weather became, and pretty soon it was softly sleeting on us. The sleet changed from time to time into snow, which I liked more because I could stay relatively dry in it.

Front to back: Bramble, Honey Bunny, Razor, Toots Magoots (photo by Sunshine)

Front to back: Tears for Beers, Razor, Honey Bunny, Bramble, Sunshine (photo by Toots)

I stopped for a bathroom and water break, and then hurried to catch up with the others. I came around a bend to find them all with exploded packs: their gear was strung out over trekking poles, tree branches, and flat meadows. This would have been an optimal spot to dry gear, except...
"Guys, it's sleeting," I laughed. They were all furiously trying to pack up their gear in the imminent weather. "You couldn't have picked a worse time to unpack!"
"It was sunny a second ago," Toots insisted. "I swear!"
I laughed and watched as everyone repacked their bags and we trundled forward, past the wooden sign that read: Entering Glacier Peak Wilderness.

At noon we were all growing very hungry, so we found a campsite beside a small pond and took advantage in the break in weather. Before we started cooking it was gear-explosion again: tents, rainflys, sleeping bags, and ground tarps were spread out over every available surface. I rigged up my ground tarp to hang from my two trekking poles, draped my rainfly over a tree, and pitched my tent sideways with its poles so that the breeze would dry it out faster. The weather fluctuated between a light snow and patches of sun, so while we gobbled down our hot meals, we cheered every time the sun poked out from behind the clouds.

Alphabet Soup and Kudu caught up to us at lunchtime, and we met three more northbound hikers named Sharky, Bivo, and Double Sprainbow who had turned around and were now hiking south. They had set out into the blizzard yesterday, had set up camp in the snow and decided that they didn't have the right gear or enough food to make it through the weather, and so they were hiking back to the Dinsmore's today. I didn't blame them, but I was surprised: they had gone almost 43 miles already since leaving Steven's Pass and would have to backtrack that whole distance. Still, it made us apprehensive to see people quitting the trail. We wondered if we were making the right decision to keep hiking. But no one wanted to stop when we had the strength and the willpower to keep going, so we decided that until things grew dire, we would stay in a group and hike together for safety.

The weather stayed away long enough for us to finish eating and let our gear partially dry. When it began snowing again, we packed up and headed on. Katie picked up a note on trail that had been left by Wocka and Giddyup for us. It read that they had gotten caught in the snow, had turned around, and then had turned back because they weren't ready to quit. Instead, they set up camp early and took a zero on trail yesterday, as we had. Treekiller and Vince had caught up to them in that time and explained our situation. Wocka and Giddyup were hiking again today with the two boys and hoped to see us on trail soon, as they weren't too far ahead.

This was good news, and I was relieved to hear that they had taken a zero on trail, too. Apparently it had been wise of us to camp at lower elevations yesterday; the reports we heard from other hikers made the snow storm sound pretty awful.

As we hiked, we began climbing even higher in elevation. As we reached 6,500 feet, the light snow changed to heavy snow and soon we were walking up to Red's Pass in a blur of white. But rather than fear the weather, I was enjoying myself. The snow was beautiful, and soft, and feeling its cold touch on my cheek was invigorating. I loved hiking through snow. And it was much, much better than rain. Sunshine was enjoying it, too. The two of us laughed and crunched along the trail, kicking up snowballs and catching snowflakes on our tongues.
"SNOW DAY! School's cancelled!" he crowed happily.
The trail became quite steep and a little slick with ice, so we picked our way carefully along it until we reached Red's Pass. I stood for a moment to see the view, but all I could see was a whirl of white snow and clouds. I turned to the side and saw that Treekiller had etched, TK WAS HERE in a patch of snow. I smiled, knowing he must not be too far ahead. We descended the other side of the pass in a series of slick switchbacks. Going downhill was more frustrating than climbing. My trail runners kept slipping in the snow patches, and as we lost elevation, the snow turned to mud. We moved very slowly to keep our footing.

Soon, the landscape dramatically changed. The icy, snowy trail we had been hiking along all morning turned greener and greener the lower we dropped. We returned into forested landscape, and all around us the trees were draped in soft, lush moss and green ferns. There was no sign of snow, of winter, of cold, icy passes. I gaped as I walked: it was as though we had passed straight back into summer, a fairy wonderland. Blue sky returned above us, warm breezes curled around us, and I was in awe that only 2,000 feet of elevation could elicit such a change.

We found camp near Sitcum Creek, nestled deep in the trees. It was a huge campsite, which was lucky, because our group doubled in size tonight. After Sunshine, Katie, Alphabet Soup, Kudu, Toots, Tears, Razor and I set up our tents, we were joined by Rotisserie, Sansei, Games, Reason, Lighthouse, Pony, St. Alfonzo, Kazu, Cuddles, Fun Size, and Delightful. Nineteen people packed into the space, and Sansei worked his magic again to create a raging bonfire at the center. We laughed and talked over dinner and stuck our damp socks near the fire to dry. Our tents dried in the breeze and it was wonderful to be without rain tonight.

Day One Hundred Twenty Four

Today's miles: 0
Total miles: 2500

I remembered something Sunshine said last night before everyone went to bed.
He said, "if it's still raining like this tomorrow, I'm not going to want to hike."
Every day on trail for us was a hiking day. We had never before considered taking a zero day on trail, but if any day called for it, this was perhaps it.

When I woke up, it was still raining. And I had to pee so badly. I was so eager to be out of the rain yesterday that I made the mistake of getting into my tent before going to the bathroom. And instead of getting re-dressed and going back out into the rain, I forced myself to fall asleep. So now, fifteen hours later, I was still trapped in the rain, and I really had to pee.
While I came to terms with my imminent call of nature, I heard the sound of feet outside my tent, and then heard Katie's voice, a brash staccato of words over the rain.
"Sunshine. Bramble. Are you awake?"
"Yes," we said in unison.
"It's still raining." That was obvious, but it was clear she wanted to say more. "I've had enough. I've decided I'm going to wait out the weather a little longer and then I'm going to hike back to the Dinsmore's."
If she was going for shock value, she certainly nailed it. For a second both Sunshine and I were stunned silent. And then: "Wait, what? You're going back? Like, quitting the trail?"
"I'm done," she repeated, sounding angry and defeated, as though she had been crying. "It's been raining for two days. My tent is wet. My gear is wet. Everything is soaked. I'm not having fun."
"But... but..." Mentally, I couldn't wrap my head around what was going on.
Wait, she's quitting? For good?
"But all of our stuff is wet... we've all been hiking through the rain, too..."
"And it's going to keep raining," Katie said. "It's stupid to hike the trail if the weather is going to be this lousy."
"No... it's going to get better," I said carefully.
"Yeah? When?"
"The forecast said it gets better every day from here," I insisted. "Today's the worst. And only one more rainy day after that, supposedly."
"I can't do one more day," Katie said fiercely. "I'm hiking back to the Dinsmore's."
That seemed to be the end of it, but my head was spinning. Quit after one day of rain? Yes, it was miserable, but I had never considered quitting. We were only 150 miles from finishing, dammit! And weren't we used to hiking in rain by now? Or maybe it was just me. Katie, after all, hadn't seen a storm this bad yet. I remembered my horrible day hiking through the rain to Trout Lake, and I sympathized. But even in my worst moments then, I didn't want to give up. Maybe we could talk her out of it, somehow.

But Sunshine and I had both been caught by surprise by the outburst, we couldn't find the right words to say. Katie went back to her tent, leaving Sunshine and I lying in stunned silence for a few moments.
"Wow, she must have had some kind of rough night," Sunshine said.
"Yeah, I agreed with a groan. "This is way too much drama for eight in the morning. I can't be hit with huge life decisions this early in the day."
"Brambles... do you want to quit, too?" Sunshine asked morosely.
"No, no!" I said vehemently. "This can't last forever. I'm not done yet."
"Me either," he said, sounding relieved. "But what are we supposed to do today?"
"I don't know," I said. "Hiking in this is going to be miserable."
"Yeah. I don't really want to..."
"We could wait it out, I guess. If it's still raining here, it's probably still snowing at the top of the hill."
"A zero day in the rain sounds awful, too."
"Yeah." I sighed. There were no good options. I thought briefly about Wocka and Giddyup, still ahead of us, and wondered how far they had gotten in the storm. Would they keep hiking through it? Or hunker down in their tent, too?

Mentally, I calculated mileage. We had only gone 24 miles since leaving the Dinsmore's two days ago. And if we took a zero on trail today, it would be three days and 24 miles. That left 80 miles to Stehekin and there was no way we could do that in the remaining two days. Any way we sliced it, this was going to be longer than a five day journey. Nervously, I dug through my food bag, carefully counting meals. I had thought myself so clever to carry only the minimal amount of food - after all, wasn't Sansei always teasing me about my heavy food bag? And now I actually needed two extra days of food, and I had nothing.
Sunshine must have been doing the same thing, because he soon called out, "I think I can make it with the food I have. It'll be tight, but I can do it. I'm going to ration everything out."
I knew I wouldn't make it with the food I had unless I rationed myself harshly today. And even then, I was going to be hungry all week. But what choice did I have?
"Treekiller!" yelled Sunshine from his tent, and Treekiller, some distance away, called back, "yeah?"
"What do you think about waiting out the storm today?"
"I dunno," he said. "I guess we can wait it out a bit and see what happens."
"Kudu? Alphabet Soup?"
"We're still pretty cold," Alphabet Soup called back.
"There's no way I'm hiking in this," Kudu agreed.
And so we decided that staying in our tents, for now, was the wiser option.

For a while we all lay silently in our sleeping bags, staring at the ceilings of our tents and listening to the rain fall, all of us thinking the same thought: what now?
And then, after a long, heavy moment shared by all of us, Treekiller's voice rang out into the storm: "LIVING THE DREAM!"
We all burst into laughter, for it was just what we needed to shatter the somber mood.

My view of Sunshine's tent all day

We lapsed into silence, all of us sorting food and mopping up our tents and making silent check lists of what we would need to get to Stehekin safely. No one wanted to bring up the topic of walking back to the Dinsmore's. No one wanted to think what would happen if the rain didn't stop. It had to stop tomorrow. Or at least be better. It just had to.

"Guys," I called out with feigned desperation, "guys, I have a problem. I really, really, really have to pee."
"Ooooooooh, that sucks," said Treekiller.
"You can do it, Brambles!" Sunshine yelled.
"I don't want to!" I cried. "It's cold out there!"
"I have to pee, too," Sunshine admitted, and then a moment later: "...aaaaand I just did."
"No fair!" I whined. "I wish I had a penis!"
"Come on, Brambs, you can do it!" Treekiller encouraged, and Sunshine cheered along with him, and then Kudu and Alphabet Soup joined in: "you can do it! You can do it!" and all around me from various tents my friend's disembodied voices encouraged me to get out of my tent and pee in the woods, dammit.
"Fine, fine!" I groaned, struggled out of my sleeping bag, pulled on my raincoat and unzipped my tent. "I made it!"
"HOORAY!" cheers came from all around the campground.
"You're so brave!" Sunshine sniffed.
"This may be the most support I've ever had for going to the bathroom," I admitted.
I peed as quickly as I could and immediately jumped back into my tent and back in my sleeping bag.
"How does it look out there?" Sunshine asked.
"Cold. Wet." I said.
"Well, you've inspired me to get ready, too," he replied. "GETTING NAKED!"
We laughed and did our usual cat-call, which was even more hilarious because we couldn't see Sunshine strip, anyway.
We lay in silence again for a while, until Sunshine called out tentatively,
"Are we still living the dream, Treekiller?"
"STILL LIVING THE DREAM!" Treekiller agreed.

By 11:00 I had resigned myself to being in my tent all day, but Treekiller had other plans. I could hear him start to pack up, and so could the others.
"What are you doing??" we asked.
"I'm going to keep hiking," he said. "I'm getting antsy sitting here."

We tried to talk him out of it. We warned him of snow, of cold, of a long day in the freezing rain with wet gear, but he wouldn't listen. He was determined to hike. Part of me envied him; I wanted to go, too, but I was reluctant to leave the group in such weather. Vince, who had camped a little bit away from the rest of us, decided to join Treekiller and hike out with him.

Despite our pleading, the two of them said goodbye shortly thereafter and we heard their footsteps disappear in the distance. I was stricken with depression. I didn't like the idea of our little group splitting up. Alphabet Soup, Kudu, Katie, Sunshine and I all stayed in camp, but we were morose. I lay in my tent feeling upset and disconnected. I wanted to keep hiking. I didn't want to keep hiking. I wanted to stay with my friends. I didn't want us to split up. Everything was going wrong.

Then, suddenly, we heard voices. And to our surprise, our old friends Sneaks, Coincidence and Horny Toad bumbled into camp, talking loudly and happily and breaking apart our bad moods. We tried to convince them to stay, but they had only just started hiking and were in good spirits. They stayed for a few minutes to chat and then continued on. I hoped they would catch up to Treekiller and Vince so they wouldn't be hiking alone.
Shortly thereafter, Katie came up near mine and Sunshine's tents again and said, "you guys aren't hiking today, right?"
"I guess not," we agreed. "Are you still thinking of turning around?"
"Yeah. But I'm going to wait it out a little longer." She didn't sound nearly as depressed as this morning, which I hoped was a good sign. "I'm going to play cards in Kudu and Alphabet Soup's tent, do you want to come?"
"No," said Sunshine, and I turned down the offer, too. It was too much work to get out of my tent and into the rain.

A few hours went by, and I passed the time by listening to my podcasts and chatting with Sunshine. It was desperately boring to stay cooped up in my tent, but it was too cold to do anything but shiver inside my sleeping bag. My stomach growled hungrily, but I didn't allow myself anything more than a pop tart and a handful of trail mix.
After what seemed like forever, we began to hear more voices. And then, suddenly, I recognized who it was.
"Sansei! Rotisserie!" I yelled from my tent.
"Bramble? Is that you??"

Not only had Rotisserie and Sansei caught us, but they were hiking with Games, Reason, Pony, and St. Alfonzo! They had had a rough walk since the Dinsmore's, too, and it didn't take much convincing to tell them that there was snow ahead and that they should camp with us. Not only did they set up camp, but Sansei performed a kind of miracle: he started a bonfire.

Somehow, he was able to collect dry wood from the insides of rotting tree hollows and he kept it dry enough to start a fire at the center of our campsite, despite that it was still pouring rain. The small act was enough to draw everyone out of our tents, huddled under umbrellas and warming ourselves and our wet clothes around the fire.

We were soon joined by Toots, Tears, an older hiker named Razor and a young Japanese hiker named Kazu. Suddenly, the small group I had been fretting about had become a huge, warm party of my favorite people. My depression slowly glided away, and as everyone set up camp around me, I no longer felt alone. The only small nudging fear was that of Treekiller, Vince, Wocka and Giddyup somewhere out in that storm.

As we stood around the fire, our wet clothes steaming in the heat, Toots told us she and Tears had met several hikers who had turned back and were headed to the Dinsmore's. They had reached the peak we had yet to climb, had gotten caught in a blizzard, and had turned around. Some of them were quitting the trail and others were waiting out the storm in town. No one said anything, but we were all quietly thinking the same thing: we don't want to quit yet. Not yet. It will get better...

Left to right: Sansei, Reason, Kazu, Sunshine, Honey Bunny, Toots, Tears (photo by Rotisserie)

The day passed in a series of slow, damp hours. I returned to my warm sleeping bag but lay fitfully in it, my feet aching to be hiking. I was out of water but had no desire to go back into the rain to filter more. I was rationing food and pretending I wasn't starving, but I hadn't eaten anything all afternoon. I had to go to the bathroom but didn't feel like digging a cathole in the rain. I listened to more podcasts to take my mind off the day, and wished the weather would let up.

"We've been in our tents for almost twenty-four hours, now," Sunshine laughed to me.
"Aweeeeesome," I said sarcastically in reply, "and for some reason I thought my first zero day on trail would involve a beautiful lake, a blue sky, and some great views! I didn't think I would be cold and wet, sitting in my tent all day while it poured."
"Me too," he agreed. "I just keep telling myself that someday, this will all be a memory..."
True, I thought, but will it be a good memory, or a bad one?

Day One Hundred Twenty Three

Today's miles: 13
Total miles: 2500

My hopes for a dry night were dashed almost instantly after going to bed. It rained. All night long. My only comfort was that I had set up my tent while it was still dry, and so I stayed cozy inside it. But I dreaded knowing that there was a wet, cold world waiting for me when I woke up.
No one wanted to get out of bed this morning. We lay with our faces stuffed in our sleeping bags, all sound drowned out by the rain. It was 9:00am before any of us made the resolute step toward getting ready.

It was cold, and wet, and packing up in the rain was an unwanted task. I had already been through this routine several times by now, and I knew the only way I could survive it was if the rain stopped long enough for the sun to come out and dry our gear. But I knew from looking at the weather report that this hope was grim. Still, we made light of it the best we could. We laughed as we shuffled around, noting how many puddles had formed inches away from our tent floors. Alphabet Soup joked that she and Kudu looked like HAZMAT employees in their bright yellow rain slickers. I pretended to be a ninja in my black one.

We trundled forward at last, our umbrellas the only brightly colored things in this gray day. Treekiller didn't have one; he plodded along in his bright red jacket and his loudly-swishing trash bag skirt. I pitied him, for my umbrella was the best decision I have made on trail. It gave me a tiny circle of rainless space which I could hide beneath while walking. It wasn't much, but it was something. I regretted not getting my waterproof boots from home. My feet were quickly soaked and freezing, and I stared enviously at Sunshine's dry boots ahead of me.

We climbed to Grizzly Peak this morning and then through a series of water-logged meadows and ridges and trail. We walked through a river as it carved out the dirt under our feet. We were soon soaked to the bone. Sunshine kept asking me, "is this what it was like? Those two days before Trout Lake when it rained so hard?" and I said, "yes, except colder. And wetter. And it just never, never stopped."

But it seemed as though today wanted to win the award for wettest, most miserable day on trail, and it was quickly climbing the ranks. It was frustrating trying to get a snack out of our packs without getting everything wet, or to filter water, or to find a dry spot to sit and eat a bit of something, or to go to the bathroom. Everything was a balancing act, trying to keep our most prized possessions under our umbrellas. But it didn't help. For the most part, we simply avoiding taking breaks, and eating, and filtering water. It was easier to keep moving than it was to stop.

Eventually, we were starving enough that we had to eat lunch. We crawled down a steep, muddy slope to a lake where we could carefully collect water and huddle under our umbrellas while we ate as quickly as possible. Treekiller, Vince, Kudu, and Alphabet Soup took off down the trail ahead of Katie, Sunshine and I. No one wanted to keep hiking, but it was our only choice. If we stopped, we would be faced with setting up wet tents in the rain, and it wouldn't solve any problems.

Vince, Honey Bunny, Sunshine, Treekiller

Once Katie, Sunshine and I were hiking again, I resolved to come to terms with our situation. After all, this was my third big storm and I knew what hiking in rain was like. I knew I would be wet and cold regardless of how I felt about it, so I might as well enjoy myself. Katie was hiking some distance ahead of me, and Sunshine some distance behind, so I found myself alone with the rain.

And so I began to sing. Loudly. Emphatically. And the more I realized that the rain drowned out my voice, the more confident I became. I sang all my favorite Broadway shows; I picked the ones that had the most heart, the most voice, the most power behind them. I belted them into the sky, letting the words disappear in the downpour. And I discovered that it made me feel better.

I started to forget about the difficult terrain, the soggy weather, the condition of my feet and clothes and gear. I started to forget about my misery and found I was actually enjoying myself. As soon as I finished one song, I began another, running through the entirety of Les Miserables and Wicked and Lion King.
Soon I was practically skipping down the trail, feeling more lighthearted than I had in a while. Sure, it was raining, but it was like singing in the shower. I could let loose to my heart's content and it was delightful.
After a few hours of this, I was in a good mood and happy to keep hiking until late in the day, but I soon discovered that this was not the case for Katie or Sunshine. They had not hiked through rain like this before, and they were having to come to terms with it for the first time. It was not going well.

When we stopped for a small water break, both of them looked tired and glum. We had not been making good time; it was growing late in the afternoon and we had only walked ten miles. The elevation and the storm was dragging us down; it didn't bode well for our overall plan to get to Stehekin on time. But I didn't want them to lose hope, so as we continued hiking I did my best to cheer them up.
"Let's name things that are worse than this, shall we?" I announced.
"Torture," said Sunshine, picking up the game immediately.
"Syphilis!" I said.
"Cataracts," Katie suggested.
"Black holes."
"Scurvy."
"Birthday clowns!"
"Hangnails."
"Nicolas Cage."
"Drowning."
"Actually, I think we are doing that," I laughed.

We had been dropping down in elevation for quite some time, and when we hit the bottom of the mountain, we found a small campsite beside Pass Creek. To our surprise, we saw Treekiller, Vince, Alphabet Soup and Kudu's tents set up beneath the trees.
"Guys?" Sunshine asked. "What are you doing? It's only 4:00."
"We're done hiking," came Treekiller's grumpy voice from inside.
"We were getting too cold and couldn't warm up," Alphabet Soup explained. "We figured the smart thing to do would be to set up camp and get in our sleeping bags."
They sounded drained of all energy, resolute to stopping after only thirteen miles.
Katie, Sunshine and I stood awkwardly on trail, looking at each other with questioning eyes.
Should we stop, too?
"There's a campsite in four more miles," I suggested, "that would put us at least seventeen miles for the day." I showed them the upcoming elevation, which was a big climb out of the canyon we were in.
"I think I have four more miles in me," Sunshine agreed.
"Me too," Katie said.
As we started to move on, we ran into a southbounder named Nurse Betty who was just getting into camp. She looked drenched and wild-eyed. We said hello in passing, and then, as an afterthought, I called after her,
"Hey! Were you just up by Sally Ann Lake at the top of the hill?"
"Oh - er, yes," she said, pausing to look back at us.
"How did it look? Were there high spots that looked like you could pitch a tent and stay out of a puddle?"
Nurse Betty frowned. "Maybe. Not the spots that I saw, though. Everything was pretty wet. But maybe in the trees, if you looked around."
"Oh." That wasn't promising. "And it's windy up there, I guess?"
I think she suddenly realized that we were about to hike to the lake, because she backtracked quickly to us and said, "that lake is above 5,000 feet, you know. I've been hiking through hail and snow for the last three hours."
"What?"
"
It's a blizzard up there! Freezing. Miserable!"
"So... you don't recommend it?"
Nurse Betty shot me a serious look and said, "if someone told me right now to go back up there, I would tell them to go to hell."
And with that, she left.

Stunned, the three of us stared at each other wordlessly.
"That... sounds bad," Sunshine said.
"Snow?" Katie said, "I'm freezing already. I don't want to hike in that."
"Me either," I sighed heavily.
"So I guess we're camping here for the night."
"Guess who's joining you in camp tonight, Treekiller!" Sunshine announced.
"Welcome to the party," he replied, without enthusiasm.

Setting up our tents was a struggle. We did our best to get them up as quickly as possible, but even so, mine was completely saturated by the time I jumped inside of it. Sunshine and I had set up our tents in a small gap under a cluster of trees, and our rainflys were so close together that they had to overlap. We propped up our umbrellas to keep the rain out as best we could and spent time sopping up all the puddles in our tents with bandanas. He did a better job of it than I, but I was too tired and cold to care.

I changed into my long underwear, blew up my sleeping pad to keep me afloat on my tent of puddles, and crawled into my sleeping bag. I wondered what would happen if the rain didn't let up for five days. Would we really be able to make it that long? And would we make it to Stehekin on time?

We all listened to the rain as the hours ticked by, until it grew cold and dark and one by one, we fell asleep. As I drifted off, I realized with annoyance that I had forgotten to go pee before getting into my tent....